ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
