Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
