Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
