Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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