And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
