just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
