The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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