Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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