I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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