I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
