Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can I color on your dick again?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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