Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
