Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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