I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
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I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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