Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
