i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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