I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
