I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
