so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
