if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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