I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
