Banned from zoo.
Again?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
