Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
