Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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