Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
