My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i out mim tonsoeep
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