The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
