Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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