I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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