dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
