i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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