You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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