never play flip cup with pint glasses
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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