1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
