I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
