Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
