you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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