I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
