I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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