You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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