I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
