She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
