you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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