I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Girls should come with a carfax report
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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