If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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