I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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