Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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