just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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