You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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