i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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