after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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