I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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