I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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