I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
