I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
