i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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