I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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