Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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