gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
