Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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