Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
