He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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