I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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