so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize