i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
