she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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