Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
