I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
be right there i have to get my cape
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
